Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's the barista slut.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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