I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
