Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
