How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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