My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
