why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You are the jesus of drinking
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
