She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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