she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
