I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
