i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
