Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
