How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
