So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
