never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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