so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
