It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
