When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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