i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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