This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
