ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
