Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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