I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
