Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.