if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"