he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
