I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
