Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
