According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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