You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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