i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im holly from the hills drunk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
