have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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