You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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