is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
