I hope mine doesn't look like that
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize