Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
