My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
