Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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