we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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