i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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