Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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