I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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