somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
