I bet he comes in French.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
