I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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