butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
