We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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