Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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