did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
