im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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