I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
