She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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