Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
