I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
