I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
