Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
