I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
