I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
