she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
