That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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