I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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