im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
