Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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