im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
