ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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