I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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