why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
