Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
