DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think your dad took our porno
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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