Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
