i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
