She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
