you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
