Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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