I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
