onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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