The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
