Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
