you would pick up someone in the library
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
