He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
