I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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