I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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