Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
