Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
