Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
