Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
