Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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