Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
