I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
