She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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