I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I will be naked everywhere
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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