i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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