when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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