shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
