You just made me feel so damn special
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
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Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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